With Pugs You Are Never Alone

I can only speak about pugs as we only have pugs. I have no doubt that other breeds of dog do the same thing. Tell me about it in the comments (imaginary floods of dog-owning readers)!
Let me tell you about pugs.
They are the Stasi of the house. They do not allow you to do one thing by yourself. Living with pugs is to live in a literal surveillance state. There is no corner of the house they will not slide themselves into. No room is out of bounds. There are no bounds, if you’re a pug. I guess they figure that they’re pooping outside (mostly), in full view of everyone - where’s the privacy in that? And if it’s good enough for them…
Just to be clear. I hardly ever poop outside. I’d like the internet to know that. But in front of a tiny, fascinated audience? All the damn time.
Sometimes they sit with me.

Sometimes they surveil me from a distance.

Sometimes, in an effort to shatter my confidence, they’ll come looking for me, give me a passing glance, and then wander off to do something more interesting, like watch out for joggers at the back window, search for food under the dining table, or bark at non-existent salespeople at the front door.

Then I’m left wondering if I need to put on more of a show to impress them.
Then I’m left wondering if I’ve lost my mind.